Well, it's a new year. 2010 has arrived. I, for one, am glad 2009 is over. It was a confusing, bitter, lazy year for me. I was angry a lot. I get a little sad thinking about all the time wasted worrying about how others felt and what they thought of me. It's pathetic really. I have been concerned about neighbors I couldn't see and strangers I would never see again. #comeonson

I was probably clinically depressed and in need of help. I was in denial about every aspect of my life. I let go of my appearance and my home. For the first part of the year, there was clearly no pleasing me. Searching. Searching for peace, acceptance, and a trusting shoulder to cry on. There were periods of satisfaction and pleasure, but they were always short lived. Sooner or later I'd turn away from the person, convincing myself they didn't understand me, didn't care, and or didn't have my best interest at heart.

Today I woke up with a different attitude. I am learning to put myself first and how to truly take care of myself. I did some stretching, have had lots of water, and washed the damn dishes, that have been in the sink for a week. (I wash until the drying rack is full, then stop) I read from a book of daily affirmations. I talked to my mother and didn't let the normal, tense, feelings of hate and avoidance immediately creep in. I'm changing!!

I ate a healthy meal and less than I normally would. I decided to feel positive about the future, even though I don't have enough money to pay the rent. It'll get done, right? I looked in the mirror and decided that all of my imperfections are beautiful. I was even more patient with cat.

I'm stoked about "a new year." This is the time to reflect and grow, choose a different thought or reaction. For me, it's The Time to actually choose a path, scary as it seems. I can do better, that is the bottom line. I want more. I'm not using all of my talents.

Cheers. Here's to a new year, a breathe of fresh air. Out with the old and in with new. Kudos.

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