THROAT BURNER

I AM FREE.

I AM FREE. TODAY, I LEAVE THE OLD ME BEHIND. I RELEASE THE SMOKING DEMONS OF THE PAST. I WILL NO LONGER LOVE AND YEARN FOR SOMETHING THAT CANNOT LOVE ME BACK. I WILL STOP SPENDING ON AN EXPENSIVE HABIT, WHEN I COULD BE SAVING OR PAYING A BILL. I WILL NOT LOOK TO SMOKING AS A WAY TO DEAL WITH STRESS, ANXIETY, LONELINESS, OR BOREDOM. I NO LONGER FEAR THE LIFE I CREATED. I WILL STOP RUNNING.

SO, I PUT ALL OF THE SMOKES IN THE TOILET AND WENT NUMBER TWO . A SMELLY, SOFT, NASTY POO. IT WAS THE PERFECT TOPPING FOR SOMETHING SO VILE.

SMOKING HAS AFFECTED EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE., TAKING THE PLACE OF ALL THINGS GOOD, HEALTHY, AND PRODUCTIVE. I COULD COUNT ON BEING ABLE TO LIGHT UP, IF NOTHING ELSE. OLD FAITHFUL. NO MORE. NO MORE. NO MORE, I CAN'T. I NEED TO STAND ON MY OWN TWO FEET, CLEAR HEADED AND FREE OF TOXINS. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN EITHER BE ENSLAVED OR FREE. I CAN BREATHE EASILY OR WHEEZE AND COUGH, TALKING IN A SCRATCHY VOICE, KILLING MYSELF.

I THOUGHT PERHAPS I WAS LOSING MY MIND AT FIRST. WHY FLUSH SOMETHING THAT HAD BEEN SO GOOD TO ME DOWN THE LOO? WHAT A SHAME IT'D BE, I THOUGHT. MY MIND KEPT SAYING THAT SMOKING IS AT THE ROOT OF ALL MY PROBLEMS, IT FELT AS IF MY SOUL WAS PLEADING WITH ME. DEEP DOWN I HAVE KNOWN THIS FOR A LONG TIME, BUT THE devil WOULD TRY TO MAKE ME BELIEVE SMOKING WOULD MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER. IT WAS ALWAYS A TEMPORARY, FAKE HIGH. I WASTED 15 YEARS AS AN ADDICT, NOT EVEN REALIZING IT, FROWNING AT OTHER "HARD CORE" ABUSERS. BOY, OH BOY. SAD AND SORRY.

I'M NOT EXPECTING THIS TO BE EASY. WHO KNOWS WHAT FEELINGS THE MORNING WILL BRING. I'M SCARED, I MUST ADMIT. I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE KICKED MY STURDY, DEPENDABLE CRUTCH OUT FROM UNDER ME AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN WALK. WHAT'LL I DO? LORD JESUS HELP ME. I WANT TO LIVE AGAIN, UNBOUND AND FREE. ALL I CAN DO IS TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.

A SMOKE WOULD REALLY HELP ME CHILL OUT RIGHT NOW.