Dear Heart,

Please remember this, you are not the first man who wanted to give me the world and love me forever. And here lately, there have been some women as well. I need the love, but must first learn to accept it with an open hand. Living without looking back is something I don't know how to do. Hopefully, big headed stubborn monkeys can learn new tricks, even halfway through life. HA! One can only hope.

I appreciate your tenderness and patience, Snuggle Bunny. Yes, it is (most)everything I have prayed for and wanted. Now what is a bitch to do? Thinking I want the 'good guy' and always side eyeing a 'bad boy.' Excitement and surprise are things I cannot do without. I must feel adored and treasured in order to continue keeping company. I can see all the effort you're putting into meeting my desires and crazy ways. I am thankful.

I am also always confused, my sense of clarity rolls around about every 23 days. In the meantime, I am two fish tied together, like that of a Pisces, swimming in a deep blue sea. It boils down to me knowing who I am. Do I even know what I want? What I am willing to do to get it? I must first believe, inside, that I deserve love and am capable of giving it back (for more than two years). HA!

Thank you, Recent Lover, for putting it all on the line. Thank you for challenging me, for always showing up, I can already count on you. But now what will I do?